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The party of the first part did immediately rush to a window in the House to investigate the cause of such disturbance.

'Twas the Night Before the Night Before Christmas

The driver of the Vehicle appeared to be and in fact was, the previously referenced Claus. Said Claus was providing specific direction, instruction and guidance to the approximately eight 8 reindeer and specifically identified the animal co-conspirators by name: Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner and Blitzen hereinafter "the Deer".

Upon information and belief, it is further asserted that an additional co-conspirator named "Rudolph" may have been involved. The party of the first part witnessed Claus, the Vehicle and the Deer intentionally and willfully trespass upon the roofs of several residences located adjacent to and in the vicinity of the House,and noted that the Vehicle was heavily laden with packages, toys and other items of unknown origin or nature. Suddenly, without prior invitation or permission, either express or implied, the Vehicle arrived at the House, and Claus entered said House via the chimney. Said Claus was clad in a red fur suit, which was partially covered with residue from the chimney, and he carried a large sack containing a portion of the aforementioned packages, toys, and other unknown items.

He was smoking what appeared to be tobacco in a small pipe in blatant violation of local ordinances and health regulations. Claus did not speak, but immediately began to fill the stocking of the minor children, which hung adjacent to the chimney, with toys and other small gifts. Said items did not, however, constitute "gifts" to said minor pursuant to the applicable provisions of the U. Tax Code. His workers no longer would answer to "Elves", "Vertically Challenged" they were calling themselves.

And labor conditions at the north pole Were alleged by the union to stifle the soul. Four reindeer had vanished, without much propriety, Released to the wilds by the Humane Society. And equal employment had made it quite clear That Santa had better not use just reindeer. The runners had been removed from his sleigh; The ruts were termed dangerous by the E. And people had started to call for the cops When they heard sled noises on their roof-tops.

Second-hand smoke from his pipe had his workers quite frightened. His fur trimmed red suit was called "Unenlightened.

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And had gone on Geraldo, in front of the nation, Demanding millions in over-due compensation. So, half of the reindeer were gone; and his wife, Who suddenly said she'd enough of this life,. Joined a self-help group, packed, and left in a whiz, Demanding from now on her title was Ms. And as for the gifts, why, he'd ne'er had a notion That making a choice could cause so much commotion. Nothing of leather, nothing of fur, Which meant nothing for him. And nothing for her. Nothing that might be construed to pollute.

Nothing to aim. Nothing to shoot. Nothing that clamored or made lots of noise. Nothing for just girls. Or just for the boys. Nothing that claimed to be gender specific. Nothing that's warlike or non-pacific. Nothing that seemed to embellish a truth.


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And fairy tales, while not yet forbidden, Were like Ken and Barbie, better off hidden. For they raised the hackles of those psychological Who claimed the only good gift was one ecological.

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Dolls were said to be sexist, and should be passe; And Nintendo would rot your entire brain away. So Santa just stood there, disheveled, perplexed; He just could not figure out what to do next. He tried to be merry, tried to be gay, But you've got to be careful with that word today. His sack was quite empty, limp to the ground; Nothing fully acceptable was to be found.

Something special was needed, a gift that he might Give to all without angering the left or the right. A gift that would satisfy, with no indecision, Each group of people, every religion;. It is free to distribute, without changes, as long as this notice remains intact.


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  • All follow-ups, requests, comments, questions, distribution rights, etc should be made to mduhan husc. The computer was humming, the icons were hopping, As Papa did last-minute Internet shopping. The stockings were hung by the modem with care In hope that St. Nicholas would bring new software.

    The children were nestled all snug in their beds, While visions of computer games danced in their heads. The letters to Santa had been sent out by Mom, To santaclaus toyshop. All the elves and reindeer have had to skedaddle To flashy new quarters in suburban Seattle. After centuries of a life that was simple and spare, St. From where Bill has his mansion. The old fellow preens In black Gucci boots and red Calvin Klein jeans. The elves have stock options and desks with a view, Where they write computer code for Johnny and Sue.

    So spin up your drive, From now on Christmas runs only on Win More rapid than eagles the competitors came, And Bill whistled, and shouted, and called them by name. As I sprang from my bed and was turning around, My computer turned on with a Jingle-Bells sound. And there on the screen was a smiling Bill Gates Next to jolly old Santa, two arm-in-arm mates.

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    But then come the wise guys With Internet cool Who use Clement's rhyme As sort of a tool They pick up the style From this poem of "that night" And they hitch up their sled to whatever's their gripe. I guess my complaint Is not in their chore But the number of times they steal from Clem Moore. Que pasa? Los ninos were tucked away in their camas, Some in camisas and some in pijamas,. While hanging the stockings with mucho cuidado In hopes that old Santa would feel obligado To bring all children, both buenos and malos, A nice batch of dulces and other regalos.

    Outside in the yard there arose such a grito That I jumped to my feet like a frightened cabrito. I ran to the window and looked out afuera, And who in the world do you think quien era? Saint Nick in a sleigh and a big red sombrero Came dashing along like a crazy bombero. And pulling his sleigh instead of venados Were eight little burros approaching volados.

    Then standing erect with his hands on his pecho He flew to the top of our very own techo. With his round little belly like a bowl of jalea, He struggled to squeeze down our old chiminea,. Then chuckling aloud, seeming very contento, He turned like a flash and was gone like the viento. Twas the day after Christmas, and all through the house, Every creature was hurting--even the mouse. The toys were all broken, their batteries dead; Santa passed out, with some ice on his head. Wrapping and ribbons just covered the floor, While upstairs the family continued to snore.

    And I in my T-shirt, new Reeboks and jeans, Went into the kitchen and started to clean. When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter, I sprang from the sink to see what was the matter. Away to the window I flew like a flash, Tore open the curtains, and threw up the sash. When what to my wondering eyes should appear, But a little white truck, with an oversized mirror.

    The driver was smiling, so lively and grand; The patch on his jacket said "U. With a handful of bills, he grinned like a fox Then quickly he stuffed them into our mailbox. Bill after bill, after bill, they still came. Whistling and shouting he called them by name:. To the tip or your limit, every store, every mall, Now chargeaway-chargeaway-chargeaway all! He whooped and he whistled as he finished his work. He filled up the box, and then turned with a jerk. He sprang to his truck and he drove down the road, Driving much faster with just half a load.

    T was the month after Christmas, and all through the house Nothing would fit me, not even a blouse. The cookies I'd nibbled, the eggnog I'd taste At the holiday parties had gone to my waist. When I got on the scales there arose such a number! When I walked to the store less a walk than a lumber. I'd remember the marvelous meals I'd prepared; The gravies and sauces and beef nicely rared,. The wine and the rum balls, the bread and the cheese And the way I'd never said, "No thank you, please.

    I said to myself, as I only can "You can't spend a winter disguised as a man! Every last bit of food that I like must be banished "Till all the additional ounces have vanished. I'll want only to chew on a long celery stick. I won't have hot biscuits, or corn bread, or pie, I'll munch on a carrot and quietly cry. T was the night before finals, and all through the college, The students were praying for last minute knowledge. Sign in. Watch now. Hoping to spur her longtime beau to action, a small-town veterinarian wishes upon a snow globe that this will be her most romantic Christmas ever.

    Santa Claus discovers children have become too greedy and must prove otherwise before his favorite holiday is canceled. Santa's mission is to teach two incorrigible children the importance of charity. The story of driven, heartless, publishing executive Carol Huffler, who on Christmas Eve is visited by the ghost of her former boss, Eve. Eve tells Carol that she has lost sight of the A bridal boutique owner Rachel Skarsten , who is deep in the flurry of planning an exquisite Christmas wedding, is unexpectedly swept off her feet by the bride's brother Trevor Donovan.

    Claus, has grown into a huge city powered by the magic of holiday happiness around the world. Yet as people everywhere get too busy to enjoy Christine Summer Glau , an elf from Santa's village who wonders if there could be more to life than making toys in the On his way to a luxury resort for the Christmas holiday, banker Charles Benson's car breaks down, so his family gets stuck in Nowhere, Colorado, a sleepy town which seems to be dying since Stranded at an airport at Christmastime, Ashley Harrison accepts a ride from Dash Sutherland, who has just rented the last car in town.

    As the pair heads north, their adventures include car Eric Randall Jesse Metcalfe , a famous author who writes about how to stay a bachelor is forced to look after his niece and nephew over the holidays and, with the help of his Christmas-loving neighbor, April Stewart Fiona Gubelmann , he learns to find love and the Christmas spirit. In 'Saint' Nick Crosby's old-fashioned year-round Christmas village Santaville, working as an elf on Christmas preparations all year killed his daughter Holly's seasonal spirit.

    So she Flight attendant Sydney Brooke Burns is tasked with looking after Leah, an eight-year-old unaccompanied minor flying back to Chicago after visiting family. Sydney is charmed by the little When Santa sets off on his Christmas duties a day early, crashes into the Fox family's house, ends up with amnesia and loses his magic sack of presents, he needs help! But the Fox family are a modern and broken family. Can they help him? The parents are preoccupied with work and the kids aren't very festive. But it's up to them to help Santa find his magical bag of toys and the clock is ticking or Christmas will be ruined.

    Forced to set their own problems aside and work together the Fox family rediscover how much they enjoy being together and realise that maybe they need to reprioritise their lives. Written by Anonymous. Santa sets off on his Christmas duties a day early and crashes into the Fox family's house. He ends up with amnesia and loses his magic sack of presents.

    The Fox family are a modern and broken family. The parents are preoccupied with work and the kids are not very festive. Forced to set their own problems aside and work together, they help Santa find his magical bag of toys. The whole family can enjoy this film. Its not a b ad film and most of the characters are fleshed out.

    Its worth a viewing. What I found funny is that all trees in this film were green and full of leaves. Its Winter time the trees should be bare! Start your free trial. Find showtimes, watch trailers, browse photos, track your Watchlist and rate your favorite movies and TV shows on your phone or tablet!

    Green elves were sewing, Blue elves were counting, Red elves were carving, The pressure was mounting! It's the day before Christmas Eve and Santa is ever so busy But has he forgotten something? And, more importantly, will he be ready in time? Inspired by Clement C. Moore's classic festive poem, this hilarious, rhyming picture book is sure to have you ho ho ho-ing!

    The History of the Poem

    Review Text a high-energy, laugh-out-loud delight from start to unexpected finish Review quote It is December 23 and Santa and the elves are preparing for the big day. There are presents to wrap, reindeer to feed and a sleigh to polish. Will Santa be ready in time? About Kes Gray Kes Gray is a bestselling, multi award-winning author of more than 70 books for children. He eats Ideaflakes for breakfast, spreads silliness on his toast and lives in a place called Different.